Have you ever?

September 24, 2010 § Leave a comment

Have you ever loved someone so much that you want to be the best you can for the person you love so much?

You want to be the person whom your other can count on, the one that your other can turn to

the one whom he will want to be with every single moment in life

maybe i haven’t been the best i can

or the thought that i’m not the one for him, he’ll probably leave soon for someone else always hits me. especially when we tone down after an argument and i ask if he wants me around the next day, willingly wanting to cancel my plans that day even if its friends i have not met for awhile.

i guess i’m just the fool now because that’s what he does to me.

its the first time i want to change myself so much so badly to be a better person

its the first time that, when i’m upset, all he has to do. all he needs to do is be beside me and hug me. and i’ll feel better.

fairly simple right ? not like i’m asking for diamonds and flowers , chocolates and a new plushie when i get upset.

wrong.

when i get upset, i am now the unreasonable temper throwing tantrum losing bitch who doesn’t give a damn what happens or what i say.

and then i ask, why did you say you can take my rants in the first place ; you tell me that you want me to tell you everything.

how am i suppose to ?

why is it that i’m suppose to be the one proving everything to you, and you can just shrug me off when you get upset?

when i get upset, you now make it sound like i’m the worst person on earth, that i don’t think for you, don’t think of how you feel.

maybe i don’t.

probably i can’t comfort you.

and i think that you should atleast have someone who comforts you.

atleast you won’t be unhappier the moment you get upset.

well , you have the weekend to think things over.

maybe thinking it through on whether what’s worth it in life or not won’t be important to you to think it over.

but i know that i will be here thinking and thinking and thinking.

not seeing you for the weekend will suck.

but until i know you want me around for sure.

i guess i wont show up.

you wanted your peace, i’m gonna give you your peace.

maybe i’m the stupid one. the stupid one who believes only you can make everything better

and all i wanted was to be reciprocated.

what crushed me last night was that whenever i try to cheer you up, i end up annoying you instead

that must suck .

because when you try to cheer me up, i know i cool down and i laugh after.

i know you make me happy. i know you make me want to spend my life with you

i know you make me want to relook my whole life, to make things better for me and improve my self esteem, and to make you happier

i know you are one of the best comfort i can have

but am i the same for you?

i believe in reciprocity.

and if you don’t feel reciprocated, maybe this time you’re right

maybe this time i’m going to be the one walking out again.

but maybe it won’t hurt you so badly when you thought it through.

i know it hurts me , but hopefully it won’t hurt you that

you don’t want me or need me the way you think you do.

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