September 14, 2011 § Leave a comment
What’s the point of knowing a group of people for more than five years, but you can’t open up to them+they find time to even have a good chat with you for more than an hour?
And a group of people you / people in general you meet for just about a year or less and you can converse with them like the best of friends, going to them whenever you are upset?
I have met many people. Grew closer with some and then ending the friendships/relationships. But I’m proud to say at least that road was taken and that path has been tried and tested. And I learnt that much from those failed friendships and relationships. Rather than a path that was mundane all the time. a straight road.
What say you about a group of lukewarm friends i see regularly but honestly, I never really confided in? infact, am i even allowed to say they are considered friends?
And its not because I don’t want to either. Its more of, I don’t feel welcomed. Don’t feel the acceptance. Just feel the lukewarm atmosphere/feeling instead of feeling like they really treat me as a friend. And it’s not even the fact that I won’t tell them what happen. Its more on, you see me, a friend, upset, act like a friend.
Is it just me to not want something that is so blah all the time, with normal blah feelings and having the normal blah conversations? Because it’s definitely un-progressive and boring to have mundane feelings and relationships all the time. And when that happens, for too long, I tend to give up and just leave it on the shelf, not bothering anymore.
Maybe that’s why recently I just feel so horrible and have sleepless nights.
With so much family problems piling up, I really don’t want to try and give two hoots about this anymore.
So what if I’m in this friendship for more than four or five years. If everyone’s too busy for everyone else. I wouldn’t even care anymore. I bet they don’t even know that I put them in my heart at all.
I’ve been in your midst for so long, and all I ever was , was invisible. then fine. I should probably disappear.
Because it hurts, it numbs. and after awhile. it disappeared.