There’s Gotta Be More to Life

December 5, 2011 § Leave a comment

As I’m doing my work at 3 in the morning, it seems pretty clear that I’m definitely skipping the fieldtrip later. There’s so much left to be done for FYP and the materials are already starting to confuse me. You can probably blame it on my lack of organization skills in Chrome tabs opened.

A sudden spark of reminiscence flashed past as an old song from last year played. It’s gotten me thinking of everything that has happened for the past 2-3 years.

So much has changed. So much I’ve accomplished and failed to accomplished. So many goals that were given up halfway.

Wondering what is J’s plan for me. Have I been living up to J’s expectations. Wondering that if I’m not, how to I go back to where I’m meant to be.

And now I’m left wondering what to do with next year.

I have so much plans and places to go next year. And a decision that I’ve to make on Sunday should the next person ask.

Then it will be down to: do I travel next year to many places after graduation (I have a minimum of 3 places to go next year)? Or do I go straight to school right after graduation? No matter what, University has to wait another year.

Only my love-relationship has been the smooth-sailing thing so far. Or atleast it seems. Maybe it’s me, but i’m starting to notice a crack or two here and there, which requires a ton of faith and trust to seal it, I’m probably having a hard time and a ton of internal battles trying to do so because of all the past hurts. Quite an achievement though, I gotta say,  from my previous few relationships considering the duration of it and no arguments despite the few disagreements. But it’s been amicable thus far. And there are a few things we’ve been talking about, but I shan’t mention it here yet because I don’t wanna jinx it.

One thing’s for certain though, I really need to move out soon. I don’t know how much longer can I take this unreasonable arguments. Especially at such a crucial point of my life, everything seems to just pile itself on top of each other and no matter what I clear on my to-do list, the path doesn’t dwindle. It infact, looks like Bellatrix Lestrange’s Gemino Cursed vault.

I have gone as far as to welcome an old habit I threw out the window six months ago after I stopped interning. A bad habit I would say, but something that I’m not planning to do very often. Probably just a little socially.

It’s getting a little tiring, I don’t even know how I’ve been getting to and fro from my daily activities everyday. I do know I’m a little more positive this year than last year, and that has been fuelling part of my energy. I guess it is true what they say. The kind of company you keep will change the way you are as a person.

Anyway, I could really use a vacation soon. A huge getaway from all of this. Ideally in the christmas holidays, but I’ve got so much to complete that I actually told my mum that I don’t wanna go overseas this year because of schoolwork to complete.

Prayers prayed a year ago around this period last year have been answered, right on time yet again. I need to be less of me and more of J. Because what I realised after doing a quick stock check, at a point where I gave up control and just let everything fall, was the time I believed the most. The point when I got the most strength to pick myself up. Was the point where I got surrounded with the emotionally-strongest people I came into contact with.

and ofcourse, J.

You wiped away my tears, and lift me when I fall…

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