I Don’t Wanna Grow Up.
September 19, 2013 § Leave a comment
Growing up sucks. I have never wanted to go back to school more than now, and regretting the chance of not going immediately after achieving a diploma i never really liked.
Again with the lies and deceiving of self, I am again stuck at the crossroads wondering what to do and where to go. I do know that i will really miss teaching. And am half considering going to apply for another teaching job again. But that would mean 2 more years of putting my degree on hold, and i’m not ready for that. Yet again, i do not want to miss out on the chance of my awesome kids growing up. But looks like you can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Getting accused of being practical recently was a shake to my system. I’m getting sick of hearing people who i love and hold dear to me tell me that I don’t have fun anymore when they are the ones who don’t have time to spare. Tired of hearing how i am practical now just because i don’t do things their way. Learning how difficult people can be on purpose and how the petty people are really the ones who try to catch minute details of your life to find fault with. It is already scary and tiring enough being the first few among peers to grow up. It doesn’t help , having to deal with people who question your practicality and decisions. If i had a choice, I would never want to grow up and get a job. Just go out and party and travel the world.
It is so scary trying to make a decision that might affect the next few years of my life, and possibly throughout. I don’t need people to tell me shit to shake me like that any more.
Jobs are so hard to choose now. I need to consider the fact that I want to migrate to another place, and i have to consider the type of jobs they are looking for from people. The next journey i am going to embark on is not what they are looking for. and the job (teaching) i am leaving is.
I am getting so upset and pissy with myself i dont know what to do.
And I also realise how illogical and unreasonable this post has been. This is a lousy rant and just let me be because this is my blog, and i can do whatever i want with it.