Some nights, I don’t know… Anymore

November 3, 2013 § Leave a comment

The best nights are the nights you can’t remember. With a lot of singing, dancing and a bunch of awesome drinking buddies.

I remember having a ton of fun on friday night. of course i woke up…. barely slept from the adrenalin rush and have not slept properly since (counting two nights). I should stop drinking and having so much fun. Because while others wake up with a hangover i wake up with something more permanently harmful.

It is kindda fun to feel like someone very important. Walking through the doors of a club and basically 70% of the staff and managers know you by name and are practically friends, where your usual spot is, then they take notice of the crowd you are with (that also hardly changes). But this is very detrimental to my financial health. A very good reason why i’m spending (or throwing) money like drinking water is because i kindda literally am…

It feels like a lifestyle i am still too young to give up. But at the pace of life i’m going, it seems about right that I should start to wean myself off it soon.

But I just can’t. Going week after week is like my drug. My medication. One week without going there to drink, relax and just dance and sing along to random songs that are being performed night after night.

My heart is searching. Pursuing. For an empty void that just can’t seem to be filled. Constantly wanting. Searching. Needing. I always wish for more. Searched for something. Hoped for the best. But nothing seems to be enough except for my friday nights. I’m hoping that i’ll overdose on it soon so atleast my wallet can have space to breathe.

The best nights are the nights you wake up, after a goodnight sleep. Albeit it be the effect of drinking and alcohol in the system that causes the good night sleep. But I guess I miss the thrill of it all too. Sneaking in early morning, showering thrice to get the cigarette smell out of your hair and breath.

The best nights are the nights when you wake up, with a good hangover. Although i haven’t actually felt that before. But getting knocked out enough to have to rearrange the sequence of events should count as a hangover.

The not so good nights is when you wake up with a good night spent, but a confession in the morning. And that is freaking me out enough to actually turn a big round to sneak this into a blog post because i dont think many read this anymore and also because I dont want to sound like i want and need the attention. I just want to let it out and whine a little bit more about it.

Oh. and did i mention two weeks ago before I left for a short trip to China, I bumped into him? We spent the remnants of before Dawn just talking and catching up. It was a bad idea to open up a can of worms. It was a rough night and week afterwards because it left me wondering about all the what ifs. Well. He’s gonna be back this week. Let’s just find out if anything happens then…

Tonight I am young. Tonight I have no regrets. Tonight I will go higher than I can ever go and One night, I will find my peace with this and finally stop going. One night, I just might..

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